the future.
i am hurtling along forward into this inevitable something, which i reach for and reach for but am too scared to actually grasp. i am choosing these paths and am being given these decisions to make and i, in myfinite youth, come to all the wrong ones. as i stumble i learn about that deep hole in the ground, and i grow to fear it, and i work to pull myself out of it. that hole will still be there, but i will build myself machines that will carry me over it. i will build my walls too high so that i cannot find it. i will cage myself in, and forever avoid it.
or.
or i jump directly in, and learn to love the darkness, work with the darkness, and make it clean and bright again, the way it was when i was younger and we dug holes in the sand to pour water into. all of these decisions i make, the ones which lead me in the wrong directions—they are the decisions which create webs, colanders to sift through the world. to catch the parts of me which have become weak, so that i can start to rebuild my own strength.
this is a decision i must make. i am terrified of both outcomes.
