first day.
you and i, we walk to my classes together and i pretend you are here. you are amorphous and sometimes you are not the same person in my mind but i am always, constantly, forever wanting you near me. but you are away in new york and just down the way and never here. and i am alone in a place where i could get lost and alone and alone and the world could crash in on me and i could drown. there is a sea of energy around me at night and laughter crashes in through the windows and people are drinking and drunk and singing and alive and dead all at once and i wish you were here oh god i wish you were here.
soon i will get all this right. i will make friends and i will fall into an easy routine and sometimes i will skip class and maybe i will go to parties. and i will learn to love saturday football games and i will learn to be completely comfortable with the long walk to the bathroom in my towel. i will flirt and i will giggle and i will do well in my classes and i will immerse myself in my art and i will grow as a person and i will be alive.
for now, however, i will cocoon myself in my room and eat my weight in doritos and try to get some sleep when i can, and maybe dream of you.
